Our -No Good! Awful, very BAD 13 days!

Well, it is a bit overdue, and I am warning you this is a long blog, but here is what happened when trying to buy our house, and it is quite the story, um, frustrating story! Um, frustrating, long, annoying story.... So with out further adieu-

We flew out to Texas and looked at 40 houses in about 2 days. The first one we loved, was sold the day we saw it! The second one was the only one with occupants. Of course, out of 40 vacant houses we pick the one that is occupied, of course, right?!?

I must tell you that when our realtor called his, and found out about the man I was a little predisposed to not like him. I am not sure that the whole story is true, but this is what I was told about the man we were trying to buy the house from. Bear in mind that I haven't been able to have kids for 6 years, so I am what you could call a barren woman.

This guy was previously married. He puts his house up for sale. His mother gets sick, (back home in the middle east) He goes home and trades the old barren wife for a new one that can have kids. Enough said.

Yet, we still make and offer.

Yeah, we offered about $14,000 less, thinking we would meet in the middle. His wife has a baby that day, it takes him 2 days to answer. He counters at

Ta- Da-

FULL PRICE! (and tacks on mineral rights) - the font is small so you can see how much they mean to me.

Explanations:
(there's oil under Fort Worth that they are mining. If you own your mineral rights a company must rent them from you if they choose to drill. You get a small signing bonus say 500 dollars, then like $20.OO a month for a few years if it does well and gas prices stay high - By the way we are now paying under 2.00 a gallon, so no real benefit)

We countered quite a bit higher, to show we were serious, because we really wanted the house, and we said he could keep the mineral rights.

He countered at 900 dollars less than his asking and "threw in" the mineral rights again and their nice fridge.

At this point- we were already back in North Carolina, there are no other houses that I like, it already took him like 7 days to respond, we are running out of time. So, we accept the offer- we need a house we are moving in like 3 and a half-ish weeks.

Well, when he was supposed to sign the papers, his realtor is in the hospital with her daughter for an emergency surgery. And he still hasn't signed.

Two days later, when they sit him down to sign it, after we had come to an agreement and says, "I don't want to give them the mineral rights now, and there is no way I am paying for the home warranty (which he also agreed to)" but the realtor was like - no way, that is what was agreed to, so he signed. And the poor realtors decided in order to save a hassle they would just pay for our home warranty out of their earnings.

Well it has taken him so long to to accept and finally sign the papers that now the timeline to get funding is sketchy- at best. I call my mortgage lady- and where is she? Well, her husband is in the hospital and she is going to be out for 2 days.

So maybe, just maybe we'll have it all closed on time.

Keep your fingers crossed.

We sent over an inspector to get things all checked out (the cooler needs help). Well our dear little obnoxious seller- bless his heart! Starts whining about how he wants his mineral rights back. Says he'll give us $1500 for them.

Dang! Looking back, I wish I wasn't so stubborn!

We/I say give us $3000 and you don't have to do any repairs (For example - the cooler that has been dripping through the secondary valve so long it has stained the paint on the back side of the house bright orange, and carved a groove out of the concrete) and you can have the mineral rights.

He says no.

Big Surprise!

He says that he has someone, at the house, fixing the cooler, RIGHT now! So he isn't going to take any money off the price for repairs!

Remember -his way or the highway! or DIE!

So, we just said, we'll just close this way, and keep the mineral rights. I realize they are practically useless, but he only took $900 off his price- I have to make him pay somewhere!! I HAVE TO, I MUST WIN ONE BATTLE!

So, meanwhile we sign the paper to close on our Asheville house on Wednesday the day before we left to travel to Texas. Our buyers are scheduled to sign on Monday Sept. 29th - and then we are scheduled to close on Friday October 3rd? with the new house.

To make sure that our money clears to our account with no holds we found out what bank the lawyers banked at and opened an account. We were told there would be no problems getting the money.

First problem in Asheville- they run out of GAS! Thank you "the media" for causing the scare, that started the run for gas, that gave us that little gift!

Problemo number 2- The city in an effort to look as though "they are doing something" about the gas shortage, decides to close the courts. So now, we are even closer to the closing date with not a cent in our bank account.

We close. Thank Heaven!

#3? I call the bank the day after the money is deposited, and say something like " hey, so this money should be available tomorrow right" (after all, it is coming form one account in YOUR financial institution and moving to ANOTHER ACCOUNT within this very same financial institution) Her answer - NO, I'm sorry there will probably be like a ten day hold, since your account is new.

Yet another ploy for the bank to steal our interest! As it "transfers".

Yes, at this point I am hyperventilating and sick to my stomach, and I am thinking - Is there a trash can close by in case I vomit? By the way, the next day it all cleared in our account so there is one thing to be grateful for. Yet all the while this is happening-

We are getting funding for an FHA loan. We were pre-approved for conventional at first , and only a day or two from and FHA approval at the time we made the offer- so they put conventional on the loan, which made me nervous, NOW, I know why I didn't feel good about it.)

Well, for some reason, unbeknownst to me, they never got him to sign the change that we were going FHA. And 2 days before the closing date (SERIOUSLY?!! COME - ON) they tried to get him to sign it.

What do you all think he said?

Of course, right- He he said - no! no deal unless I get the mineral rights back FOR FREE!

I really want to swear right now.

And we are supposed to close like the next day (Friday), but since he took his time signing the papers we might not be able to until Monday, which may mean he just won't sign at all.

All the while, I had been praying up a storm- just not to be so very angry, hostile, bitter (you name it)! I have been being eaten away with anger because of this guy. I was doing a little better, although I must say that the only way I made it through is by reading my scriptures about every hour to calm myself down! Finally, I just had to change my whole outlook on the day he demanded the mineral rights for free,-

When I was about to go mad, and be committed- I decided that I have the faith that it will happen if it is supposed to.

Oh- and by the way, at this point we are in Texas. Homeless mooching off our best friends (the Durkovichs) charity, by taking over their house, dirtying their extra towels, eating all their food, with our two cats, their two dogs, three children and 4 adults.

And we really don't have any other options. There are not short term rental units available because of the oil that is here, all the investors, have taken those contracts! YIKES!

So FRIDAY October 3, the first day he is supposed to sign flies by, no sign-y, and I have to cancel the furniture delivery.

Take One.
Psych!

Oh, but don't worry he promises to sign on Tuesday.

So now, it's Monday, I just need to run to the bank to get a cashier's check for the closing cost. I watched my girlfriend's kids so she could go grocery shopping. I just said "oh, as long as I am at the bank before 5:00 I'll be fine." I run over there, at 4:00 and they are closed! Seriously! what kind of a bank closes at 4:00?

I begin to panic.

But the drive up says there have a bank across town open till 7:00 (same bank; random hours, just guess and see which one actually is open, it's a new game called musical banks).

I run across town, with no map and some very vague directions- Luckily! The heavens smiled down on me, and I was able to get the check and get home!

Justin gets home, immediately thereafter and we go to sign papers. Check, Check!

We go to Chili's and eat Molten Lava Cake- cuz we are celebrating the new house!

Oh and FYI Previously on Friday, our realtor talks to him and he says he'll sign on Tuesday, and that he is having stuff moved on Saturday and then the rest on Sunday and he's having the house cleaned on Thursday-

Wait, did you read that right?

Yes you did, he's having the house cleaned on Thursday. We close on Tuesday! ?????

I think "okay, let him think that, but the house is mine when it funds Tuesday night and I don't care if his dirty old underwear is on the floor. I am moving in and fumigating it ALL!" But serious red flags were popping up and I began to panic a little, AGAIN. Our realtor gives us the number to her attorney- not a good sign.

Say goodbye to our realtor! Hasta La Vista Baby! She flies out Tuesday morning to go on a three week yoga retreat in Thailand. Now we are working with a person, I've never met, and the seller is the devil himself.

Tuesday comes and goes, no sign-y yet again! Because the cleaners that he hired to clean the house, are coming on Thursday.
I cancel the furniture delivery, the furniture delivery dispatcher lady and I am becoming friends over our common enemy.

Oh, but don't worry, DON'T YOU DARE WORRY, I will sign on Friday! says he. (oh yeah, like I haven't heard that one before.)

Well meanwhile, back on the ranch, the appraisal for the house has expired. According to FHA laws, if there has been an appraisal on the house within 6 months, you have to use that appraisal. And there was one, because he had backed out of another contract before by doing the same thing he was doing right now! So we used the appraisal. And all his huffing and puffing and lying through his teeth has left us without an appraisal. Our mortgage broker, is frantically trying to get an extension, so that we don't have to get a new one, and further delay the process.

I decide to wash the sheets. As a way to manifest my destiny, of sleeping on my bed that night when he signs.

Friday (the second Friday) comes and while he is talking to the title company they find out he is married, uh this was not known, problem! We are living in a community property state. It doesn't matter that she is not married to him in this country or that she is not a US citizen, she must sign.

Thus, the new filler in title lady, (who is filling in for ours, who is home sick with her kid) drives and hour to his house to find out that the wife speaks NO English. And it is against the law to have her sign something she doesn't understand. Well for the first time in this entire process, HE is ready to sign the papers. He says, oh I'm not married. TOO late! The title company is booked for the rest of the day! He can't sign.

BUT,

He tells us we can move in, provided we pay for $35 dollars in taxes, cuz that is soooo much money.

The furniture is delivered.

The house, that has been cleaned on Thursday is a disaster! So disgusting that I can't allow any furniture to come in the house. The tile is sticky with every step, there is red koolaid stains on every counter, the carpet hasn't been cleaned or vacuumed for that matter in a month, the bathrooms are disgusting! . And to top it off, we found out that the wife has Hepatitis B and now I am a germa-phobe on a mission with every bleaching product known to man. Till 1:00 in the morning. I calso alled the carpet cleaners, to come the next morning. Did you know they also do tile? The best 100 dollars I have ever spent IN MY LIFE!

Finally we are in the house, but guess what, Monday is one of those holiday's that everyone in the world works through except for the banks (oh, and i guess title companies)- oh yeah, its called Columbus day.

Now, it's Tuesday, and unfortunately at this point I have already had to call the lawyer, just to make sure I have a case- I DO. I am too nervous to unpack a box. I am just pacing in the living room, worried I am going to have to unload the whole house again. Oh, and I've gone over my cell phone plan by 300 minutes at .45 a pop, cuz I don't have a home phone yet!

At this point the days set for him to sign are just flying by in a blur and I can't remember why, but yet again this day goes by, no-signy! (I think this is because they couldn't get an interpreter for the new wifey)

Well, I call my new realtor everyday, and even, the (promised to be) even tempered new realtor is totally ticked! And so frustrated!

I think I've blocked out the rest. So, Thursday morning dawns fresh and new, I call the realtor, and he says that they have an appointment at 11:00 and that it should only be about 20 minutes. At about 2:00, I can't wait another minute and call the realtor. And OOPS! He forgot to call and tell me that the seller FINALLY signed the papers! (it took him 2 hours to sign)

Lets bow our heads in a moment of silence!






Now, for good measure, a few choruses of the Hallelujah chorus!

But at that point, I am still so freaked out that I am worried about unpacking boxes. No kidding, it took me about three weeks to feel settled after such an ordeal. And by the way- he never fixed the cooler- he lied! Big Surprise!

Well you did it, you read my VERRRRRRY long blog, I hoped you laughed a little. Because seriously, this is a buyers nightmare- Our nightmare.

And I can now easily ONE-UP someone
for the rest of my life.